4 unassuming Jokes on Accountants

Accountants are often branded as boring people doing routine work day in day out. Now for a change during this relaxing weekend, we take a look at 4 jokes on accountants (no pun intended as I am one myself!).

Story #1

A lady goes to see her doctor. After examining her, he says, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, but you only have six months to live." The lady is very distraught, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" she asks. The doctor says, "I advise you to marry a CPA."

"Will that make me live longer?" she asks, hopefully. "No," says the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."

Story #2

A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

• The first was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."
• Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."
• Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

Story #3

An accountant dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. 

You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "But I'm only 48 years old." St. Peter looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant.

"Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and, based on the hours you've charged your clients, you must be at least 117 years old!"

Story #4

Two accountants are in bank together when armed robbers burst in.

“Everyone empty your pockets! Give us your wallets!” They shout out as they begin collecting wallets, purses, and watches.

The first accountant turns and jams something into the hand of the second accountant.

The second accountant asks “What is this?”

“It’s the $50 I owe you,” responds the first accountant.