4 unassuming Jokes on Accountants

Accountants are often branded as boring people doing routine work day in day out. Now for a change during this relaxing weekend, we take a look at 4 jokes on accountants (no pun intended as I am one myself!).

Story #1

A lady goes to see her doctor. After examining her, he says, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, but you only have six months to live." The lady is very distraught, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" she asks. The doctor says, "I advise you to marry a CPA."

"Will that make me live longer?" she asks, hopefully. "No," says the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."

Story #2

A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

• The first was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."
• Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."
• Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

Story #3

An accountant dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. 

You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "But I'm only 48 years old." St. Peter looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant.

"Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and, based on the hours you've charged your clients, you must be at least 117 years old!"

Story #4

Two accountants are in bank together when armed robbers burst in.

“Everyone empty your pockets! Give us your wallets!” They shout out as they begin collecting wallets, purses, and watches.

The first accountant turns and jams something into the hand of the second accountant.

The second accountant asks “What is this?”

“It’s the $50 I owe you,” responds the first accountant.

Learn the Habits of the Millionaires!

Saw this from a website and it is really worth a share! You can click here to see it in a bigger picture!

TradeHero Review - A Stock Market App

If there is any interesting local Finance App, it has to be TradeHero. So what is TradeHero?

TradeHero is a stock market simulation mobile app that draws real-time data from 14 stock exchanges, 45,000 global securities and 1,300 currency pairs. 

Users are credited with a $100,000 starting portfolio and can make trades to create their own virtual portfolio. 

The unique thing about this App is that it combines both social networking and trading & Good Traders can earn money from this!

If you are a good stock picker and generate high Return On Investment (ROI), players can follow you by paying US$1.99 per month. You will get to pocket half of this fee by giving people a glimpse of your trades. 

In contrast, if you are curious about the top traders' portfolio, you can pay US$1.99 to see their current trades and subsequently, you may try to mirror them in your real money account.

5 shortcuts at the bottom of the App:

1) Trade: The list shows all the popular stocks that you maybe interested in. If not, you can search for the stocks using the search bar.

2) Community: 

The app’s Leaderboards identify the top traders (known as ‘Heroes’) by their returns, and they are ranked by Exchange, Sector, Monthly or Quarterly returns, as well as overall returns.

The concept of how the company earn their keep is through the subscription of followers to the whole list of "heroes". Followers can subscribe, for a small monthly fee, to follow and receive trade feeds from their chosen Heroes via push notifications on their mobile device. These push notifications detail each Buy and Sell action of the Hero, as well as the experts' tips and personal insight into successful investment strategies.

 3) Bull icon:

Right in the middle lies the Logo of the App, where all the activity is captured like a summary page. Details like which Hero you are following, push notifications of Heroes' trades etc...

4) Positions:

Simply put, it shows your open positions & your previously closed positions. ROI is shown with every trade. You can click the ">" for more information like

• P&L
• Total Invested:
• Opened (trade made)
• Closed (trade ended)
• Period (your holding period)

5) Heroes:

Lastly, your credit balance & the "Heroes" you are following are displayed.

Pros & Cons of the App

I have seen a very good review from bigfatpurse & realize that one major flaw with Tradehero (as with any other stimulation game) is that there is absence of demand and supply.

In real life, one has to sell in order for another to buy due to a fixed number of shares. It's a to-n-fro thingy. Whereas, in TradeHero, you can buy or sell any quantity you like. Moreover, transactions can also be completed any time, even after market hours. In other words, transaction is guaranteed without the need to consider demand and supply.

And this leads to easy ROI by trading off the penny stocks which fluctuate by huge margins daily but not easily reflected in the real life market. Thus, some top scores in the Leaderboards may be subject to such scrutiny & followers may be in for a surprise.

I feel that they can still make some improvements to the app like 

1. Raising the minimum stock price (to more than $0.20) so that penny stocks are out of the door. 
2. Categorizing top traders not just by ROI; but inculcate investment strategies such as value investing, income/dividend investing which will attract even a larger crowd.
3. Many a time, i wish to seek out opportunities from different markets but i am unfamiliar with them (e.g. Bursa Malaysia, Thailand, hong kong etc.). I hope that this App can bridge the information gap and allow users to see how other country's traders are doing in their portfolios as well. I think this can be called geographical segmentation? lol.

Nevertheless, it is still a relatively new concept in Singapore and i absolutely respect the team behind this app. All the best to TradeHero & Huat ah!

FENG SHUI Index 2013

A light-hearted read on the Feng Shui INDEX 2013:

https://www.clsa.com/assets/files/reports/CLSA-FengShuiIndex2013(YearOfTheBlackWaterSnake).pdf?disclaimer=on&accept=+Yes%2C+I+Agree

SGX Stock Competition 2012

A veteran Stock Trader? A new comer learning the ropes on how to invest?

It doesn't matter where you come from or who you are! Because there is REAL MONEY to be made in this Stock Competition!

SGX is now holding a stock market compeition and there are really attractive prizes to be won.. $_$

Sounds like i am advertising for them... but No. Haha, i am just excited about joining it because i used to win competitions held by other brokerages :)

Cheers and have fun! Anyway, Registration is from 30 July 2012 to 31 October 2012. So do register and join me in the game! :)

Support me at my facebook too can? Thanks!

How 'Death' can be Awakening

I was planning to skip blogging during this weekend but i suddenly feel like paying my respects to Dennis Ng, Author of personal finance books and Creator of Masteryourfinance.com.

http://forum.channelnewsasia.com/showthread.php?125036-Heard-Dennis-Ng-passed-away/page2

He is a great guy and offer lots of great financial advice to people around him. 

Feels quite sad for him especially when he still have so much more to offer at only a mere 40+ age.

He also made me think of Steve Jobs and his quote on Death below:

"Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

It seriously made me ponder on what I have to do in my life and how to add value to the people around me.

My goals:

1. Be either Portfolio Manager in my Career or start up a business like Motley Fool giving newsletter subscriptions and eventually even setting up their own funds!
2. Buy a Car for my and my wife's families usage (I know owning a car is expensive in Sg, but I always cringe when i see mothers having to care for their children on public transport and I want to make them smile = Personal Preference)
3. Give back to Society - It also makes me sad when i see many elderly having to work or sell tissue papers at their old age when they are supposed to enjoy a comfortable life towards their final journey.

Lastly, I will also want to leave a legacy behind just like how Dennis Ng and Steve Jobs did. It doesn't matter how long you live, but what you have accomplished and contributed to the people around you that matters. With that, I will work even harder towards my goals!

Joke of the Day!

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys of his new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The Chinese man replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

A Joke to share with you all!

A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. 


He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." 


The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.


The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years." 


"Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.


"Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. 


When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."
 
"Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."

"No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."




Hope you like my post and can do me a favour by "Like"-ing my facebook page at www.facebook.com/kissinvesting. Thanks & HUAT AH!

How much to give on wedding dinner guide

Recently, many of my friends (close to my age) are getting married and i am getting stressed out as well... both mentally and financially.

Mentally like i have really matured and its time for me to enter the second stage of my life - with my partner and many responsibilities will fall onto me as well.

Financially - The Ang Pows / Hong Bao that i will have to fork out regularly for all my friends holding their joyous once-in-a-lifetime event.

Thus, i went to research a bit and i remembered that i saw this table below somewhere and i found it! So decided to share with all my readers:

Besides the "how much to give for wedding" guide, here are also four handy tips to work out your hongbao amount.

The wedding banquet venue

If you’re unsure of how much to put in your red packet, call up the establishment hosting the event and ask for its table rates, then give 20 per cent more than what you’ve been quoted. 

So, if the meal costs $100 per head, be prepared to fork out at least $120. And don’t think outdoor wedding dinners cost the happy couple any less. These are more likely to have additional hidden costs, like fees for the tent’s set-up and insurance for the lawn in case it gets damaged by guests. Give the same amount as you would for an indoor affair.

You can check the table rate here.

The day of the week

The day on which the event is held makes a difference. If it’s on the weekend or a public holiday, the couple will have to pay about 10 to 20 per cent more for their dinner tables. 

So, inflate your hongbao accordingly. The time of the event matters too. If you’re headed for a lunch or afternoon tea, expect to give about half of what you’d normally pony up for a 10-course Chinese dinner.

Your relationship to the couple

The closer you are to the couple, the deeper you should dig into your purse. Those with a special role to play, like being one of the bride’s “sisters”, should cough up more. 

So, if you’re headed to a dinner banquet at a five-star hotel on a Saturday night, consider giving your colleague a $120 hongbao and a close friend $150. If you’re the bridesmaid, bump it up to between $150 and $200.

Numbers matter

A final hint: If you’re raking in big bucks at work, just shell out a little more. You wouldn’t want to be known as Amy’s cheapskate lawyer friend, would you? 

Trust us – word gets around. It’s also worth knowing that if you’re going for a Chinese dinner, auspicious red-packet amounts are $88, $108, $128 and $188.

Conclusion

On a closing note, I will be setting aside a regular pool of money to give out ang pow money from now on.. i believe things are going to be more "hectic" from now on... hahaha! 

Singapore Stock Broker Comparison

*last updated as of 21/5/2012

A few points to Share:

1) CDP - Central Depository (like a central storage for all your stocks - under the Singapore Government)

2) For the "No Info." part, hope that users of that trading platforms can share with us your views & i will upload again the updated one :)

3) Over the recent years, there has been a change of heart for the retail investors... they are moving towards the new comers: Limntan & esp. hot favourite Standard Chartered Bank for the various reasons shown below.

Limtan

Limtan is a new comer in the world of stock brokerage firms but is strongly supported by the backing of NTUC, where you can obtain linkpoints in exchange for redemptions when you trade.

I opened a new account at the Invest Fair recently with Limtan and will be rewarded with a NTUC $30 voucher if i just make a single trade. Not Bad at attracting new customers to join.

However, i tried its platform and i think it is not really viable to compete against the established players yet.

Standard Chartered Bank

SCB stands out with the No Minimum Fees, hands down! It is super cost savings for people who have only less than $5k to trade (the usual $25 commission to and fro * 2 will eat up already 10% if you just invest $500!).

There are however, some drawbacks. i) the stock trading platform is ill-equipped and show only one stock price at one time.

ii) the stocks are held through custodian account by SCB instead of CDP (However, i do not fear as much since Standard Chartered is quite an established bank but i advise that you do not put all your eggs into one basket as well!)

Conlusion

I seriously think that SCB is worth a try for new stock investors & dividend income investors who are there to accumulate stocks for the long haul and practise dollar cost averaging. When you minus your costs, it means that your profits will rise too! Cheers!

Warren Buffet Investment Portfolio

Retailing at Popular at $40+!

Just went to the Popular to purchase envelopes for my morethaniphone.com online business, and saw that this book is one of the Top 10 in non-fiction books!


And it's selling for $40+.. Omgggg! So expensive...


I want to take a look inside but it was 
sealed up.. So i took a detour and went to Amazon while its only selling at US$13.48!


We investors need to learn how to save before we can invest :D


Anyway, i saw this post which is quite interesting and an easy-to-read book too. 


http://www.facebook.com/notes/reit-data/warren-buffet-speaks/332981213425370


Here are the collection of quotes from Warren Buffett:

Aim High But Don't Over-Reach - "I don't try to jump over 7-foot bars; I look for 1-foot bars that I can step over"

Aim Well - "To swim a fast 100 metres, it's better to swim with the tide than to work on your stroke"

Focus On Your Goals - "I've often felt there might be more to be gained by studying business failures than business successes"

Be Honest - "It takes 20years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently"

Believe In Yourself - "In the end, I always believe my eyes rather than anything else"

Have A Philosophy - "Rule No.1 : Never lose money. Rule No.2 : Never forget Rule No.1"

Ignore Mr. Market's Moods

• "The market is there as a reference point to see if anybody is offering to do anything foolish. When we invest in stocks, we invest in businesses"
• "(John Maynard) Keynes essentially said, don't try and figure out what the market is doing. Figure out a business you understand, and concentrate"
• "The future is never clear; you pay a very high price in the stock market for a cheery consensus. Uncertainty actually is the friend of the buyer of long-term values"

Know The Difference Between Price and Value - "Price is what you pay. Value is what you get"

Seek Intrinsic Value

• "There is no formula to figure (intrinsic value) out. You have to know the business (whose stock you are considering buying)" 
• "It doesn't have to be rock bottom to buy it. It has to be selling for less than what you think the value of the business is, and it has to be run by honest and able people"

Expect To Be Out of Step - "Most people get interested in stocks when everyone else is. The time to get interested is when no one else is. You can't buy what is popular and do well"

Earnings - "If the business does well, the stock eventually follows"

Look Forward, Not Back - "Of course, the investor of today does not profit from yesterday's growth"

Avoid Risk - "I put heavy weight on certainty... if you do that, the whole idea of a risk factor doesn't make any sense to me"

Don't Gamble - "The propensity to gamble is always increased by a large prize versus a small entry fee, no matter how poor the true odds may be"

Watch For Unusual Circumstances - "Great investment opportunities come around when excellent companies are surrounded by unusual circumstances that cause the stock to be misappraised"

Avoid Excessive Debts - "You will someday hit a pothole"

Be Patient - "You do things when the opportunities come along"

Think For Yourself - "Forecasters usually tell us more of the forecaster than of the future"

Be Wary of Wall Street - "Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway"

Only Buy Securities that You Understand

• "Investment must be rational; if you can't understand it, don't do it" 
• "When you combine ignorance and borrowed money, the consequences can get interesting.

How To Determine the Value of Business - "I read annual reports of the company I'm looking at and read annual reports of the competitors -- that is the main source of material"

Keep It Simple

• "If you have to go through too much investigation, something is wrong" 
• "All there is to investing is picking good stocks at good times and staying with them as long as they remain good companies"
   

Think Big - "I can't be involved in 50 or 70 things. That's a Noah's Ark way of investing -- you end up with a zoo that way. I like to put meaningful amounts of money in a few things"

Don't Sweat the Maths - "Read Ben Graham and Phil Fischer, read annual reports, but don't do equations with Greek letters in them"

Seek Excellent Companies - "You should invest in a business that even a fool can run, because someday a fool will"

Diversification - "Diversification is a protection against ignorance. It makes very little sense for those who know what they are doing"

Invest for the Long Term - "My favourite time frame for holding a stock is forever"

To Sum Up - "Stocks are simple. All you do is buy shares in a great business for less than the business is intrinsically worth, with managers of the highest integrity and ability. Then you own those shares forever"

Hope you like my regular posts and i would appreciate if you can just take a short time to "Like" my facebook page here!

InvestFair 2012 - Find out from the Experts...

Wooo.. i went down to the Investfair with my girlfriend last weekend.. in order to hear from what the Experts have to say about how the economy is faring and how to profit from it :D

Learnt quite a few things and even applied for another Brokerage account with http://limtan.com.sg/! They have a similar web platform as Poems.com.sg and the unique thing about them is that we can obtain linkpoints just by trading online! This on-going promotion is quite worth it i guess..


I also went to the Adam Khoo's talk.. where he share with us a few criteria of picking Winning Stocks and where the market is currently heading now.. (sounds interesting leh...)

Just like to share with you this picture i got from his website (www.adamkhoowealth.com) and you can make a guess on what point of the market cycle we are in now =)